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Get Thee Behind Me, Santa

An Inexcusably Filthy Children's Time-Travel Farce for Adults Only


"I leaned back in my chair and tried to wash away the uncomplicated flavors of shame, bile, and monkey spit."

- Get Thee Behind Me, Santa

Online Praise for Get Thee Behind Me, Santa


" off-the-wall noir-ish tale of blasphemy, time-travel, and social commentary on the hyper-commercialization of Christmas, interwoven with a series of 'Carols' that certainly deliver on the book's subtitle...the plot has the zaniness of something you and your friends would conceive while consuming way too much cheap whiskey after your 2:00 college creative writing class gets out..."

"...if you want a quick read...that will have you laughing and entertained with a 'holiday theme' then I can recommend this book. If you are a 'Church Lady' and want to get this to prove how much of a prude you are and complain how no one should read this...then pick it up too. It may just put a smile on your face..."

"I found this book to be completely, riotously hilarious...not a book for anyone who gets sick easily, or can't take a joke...quite offensive and crude and lewd and disgusting and harsh and unnecessary but that's what I loved about it."

About the Book


It’s December 21st, 2012, and something’s gone terribly wrong with the timeline. Now it’s up to Saint Nicholas, a soft-boiled detective, and an unknown carpenter’s son named Jesus of Nazareth to set things right in this giddily blasphemous collection of literary parodies by internationally touring storyteller phillip andrew bennett low. Fully illustrated by cartoonist Kay Kirscht, and with a foreword by comedian Joseph Scrimshaw!

A one-man performance of material from this book was recognized as the bestselling show in its venue at the 2018 Kansas City Fringe Festival and selected for a coveted Encore slot.



May contain mature language, as well as immature and insensitive humor regarding genitalia, flatulence, regurgitation, sex, drugs, rock and roll, lies, videotape, duct tape, tapeworms, subversion of ethnic stereotypes, fulfilment of ethnic stereotypes, hate culture, rape culture, ape culture, horticulture, and/or a deep reverence for deep irreverence. Not for the faint of heart or stomach.

Upcoming Events


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The book is available from a variety of places online: I get the largest cut of the sale if you order it from Lulu, though I would appreciate it if any reviews were left on Goodreads or Amazon. (Sincerely, I would, whether you loved it, hated it, had any kind of emotional or intellectual response -- there's nothing worse than dead silence.) If you're a retailer interested in carrying the copies of the book on your shelves, they're available wholesale from Ingram.


I am available for and delighted to do any combination of readings, signings, workshops, and/or question-and-answer sessions. Additionally, I have turned the book into an award-winning multimedia one-man show (bestselling production in its venue at the 2018 Kansas City Fringe Festival), and it has been adapted into an ensemble musical comedy (with songs by musician Pablo Jones). If you're interested in any of the above, drop me a line!

I have also published collections of political humor and horror!